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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ficbitches Anonymous' LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
4:53 am
[giggleskank]
At this moment I'd love to set your hair aflame and dance around you like a native during sacrifice

Why, hello my dearest non - aquaintances. I'm here for ... What else? Ficbitch.
This is my first ever, though with this pile of dead brain cells it shouldn't be too bad.

Today we have an "author" who makes me only wish that my cat had successfully clawed my eyes out all those times. The one, and GLADLY only, KidHeart4. I do realize a while ago anatinea did this same author, doing half of her first story. I commend anatinea and I don't blame them for not getting through that abomination. However, I don't want to steal their thunder and finish the second half of it (secretly because I'm an ass) so I've decided to do another one of her "lovely" little chapters, or stories, or whatever.

Enjoy ... or not.
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Current Mood: irate
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
3:05 am
[hallowd]
I can't shake the instinct to kill it with fire.
*kicks out the dusting soapbox*

All right, ladies and dudes and beings of fluid gender orientation. I haven't done a 'fic review in ages, but this one dragged the opinionated bitch in my brain out of hibernation.

Be aware that the following contains mild spoilers for Bleach. Also, the story includes a disturbing (but non-graphic) birthing scene, so know that it is there. With that said, gentle reader, get comfortable; today, I have issues.

I have extracted myself from my pursuit of higher education to raise a point.

The point being a fan fiction of epic proportions. Say hi to Inner Hollow, a Bleach masterpiece from the abyss of the Pit. It is a shining example of the maxim I've used before: popularity does not imply quality.

More than that (though the reader responses are disturbing enough), Inner Hollow exemplifies a worrisome fandom trend: the dehumanisation of the romantic rival. It is such a textbook case that even when the whole story is a user manual to OOC, this trend glares like a searchlight through all the rest.

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Current Mood: bitchy
Monday, September 29th, 2008
1:43 am
[skinship]
Look Into My Chin-Eyes and Tell Me You Love Me
And here's the second part of the fourth chapter. I'm off to pour bleach into my ear now.

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The next chapter is the last one. Thank the lord of dance.
1:43 am
[skinship]
Congratulations, you're the obsessive father of a Sue.
Why am I still bitching this horrid fic? Why do cats find floor drains so endlessly fascinating?

In this fourth chapter of Two of a Kind, the author piles some hate on Tatsumi and Ketessa doubles her Sue points.

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To be continued in the second part as usual.
Monday, September 15th, 2008
4:54 pm
[skinship]
Bury Me With My Favourite Banjo
In this second part of the third chapter of Two of a Kind: Muraki's vaguely religious Mexican funeral! A wussy lord of the underworld! And our second Mary Sue, Ketessa!

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Current Mood: bitchy
4:14 pm
[skinship]
The Seven-Year-Old Sue and Her Speshul Yaoi Sense
We have reached the third chapter of Two of a Kind, the Yami no Matsuei fic set in bizarro land where psychos are woobies, all verbs end with -ing, Mary Sues run rampant and everything is either cold or sad or both.

And we get to hear even more of Kira Sue's tragic past! Hooray!

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Take a deep breath before we plunge into Muraki's funeral!

Current Mood: bitchy
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
11:20 am
[skinship]
The Return of Dr. Rape, part two.
Here we go, the rest of Two of a Kind, chapter two. It's made of bubblegum, man-chests and tragedy.

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Current Mood: bitchy
11:20 am
[skinship]
The Return of Dr. Rape
I needed Dr. Scully here to distract me from the horror that is Dr. Muraki Rapeston and his bestest friend Kira, the Mary Sue of Sadness and Sass. Brace yourselves for another long chapter of Two of a Kind. Are those wedding bells I hear? Why yes, I believe they are!

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Let's take a sanity break before continuing.

Current Mood: bitchy
Thursday, August 7th, 2008
12:01 pm
[skinship]
M is for Moon language, Muraki and Mary Sues
The Yami no Matsuei: Sweet Valley High Version continues!

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Current Mood: bitchy
12:01 pm
[skinship]
M is for Moon language, Muraki and Mary Sues
Okay, let me begin by illustrating the main problem with today's fic:



For those of you not in the early yaoi loop, this animanga is Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness), my guilty pleasure from my teenage anime fangirl years. (I'm now a much more mature fangirl, which basically means I want believable character development with my shameless manporn.) I'd like to point out that I've never read the English translation, nor watched the anime with official subs, so I have no idea how much the translation can be blamed for characterisation crimes (FAKE, Tokyopop, Dee the Insufferable Asshole; here's a rant for later times). Today's fic seems to be solely based on the 13-episode-long anime, however, so I don't think there's much chance of confusion here. Well, unless you count the fact that it's written using strange Moon grammar and characters from some cheap Sweet Valley High knock-off.

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To be continued in the second post, because this first chapter is massive.

Current Mood: bitchy
Friday, May 9th, 2008
11:22 am
[skinship]
Wrapping up the butt-twin saga...
And we finally reach the heart-warming conclusion of Tears of the Soul. How did Xander's ass sustain two little Mary Sue darlings? How did Spike and Angel become weepy pimps with private jets and synchronised penises? What colour are the twins' eyes? Well, if you've ever read crapfic, you already know which one of these questions the ficcer deemed important enough to answer.

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Current Mood: bitchy
Monday, April 21st, 2008
12:36 pm
[yaoi_in_exile]
Back with a vengeance (but still no commas.)
Part two of Akasha721's epic tragedy, Blue Diamond, and still no sign of the actual Gorgeous Carat characters. Where-oh-where could they have gone?

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Current Mood: geeky
Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
3:21 pm
[yaoi_in_exile]
Traitors to the Gorgeous Carat Fandom
Having been just recently inspired by my ficbitching idol skinship, and by bitching apart an insipid little e-reviewer who insulted an excellent book, I'd like to say hi, everybody: I don my bitching cap once again after a year of hiatus, and join this troupe for the first time! Huzzah? Verily. :3

Generally, I don't like to pick apart the Gorgeous Carat fandom. It is very very tiny and fragile with only one or two redeeming qualities to it, sort of like a rabid baby bunny who only wants to tear your face off. But through we fans' prolonged refusal to call bad GC fics when we see them for the sake of numbers and/or camraderie, the fandom has just become absoutely overrun with sissy crybaby Florians, spastic control-freaks Rays and bitchy Mean Girls-esque Lailas. The fanfiction.net Gorgeous Carat community, per usual, is the worst of all.

Well, it cannot stand! This fangirl is standing up and saying no to the tyranny of ficcers over this obscure little fandom, once and for all! 

There are nearly too many bad GC fics to count on ff.net alone, but this is one of the most recent, by an Akasha721, entitled "Blue Diamond". Incidentally, this isn't purple prose, just redundancy: the story really does revolve around a blue diamond. Guh. Only a taste of the dark backstreets of the Gorgeous Carat ff.net community, I fear.

In addition, this ficcer is terrifyingly forward with her readers.

Huzzah.

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Current Mood: bitchy
Friday, March 14th, 2008
11:47 pm
[skinship]
Quoting Mariah Carey makes my ass feel so much better!
Well, I'm a productive bitch these days.

You asked for it, folks. Here are four more chapters of Tears of the Soul, the stirring vampire polyamory drama, starring some random idiots who share their names with Spike, Angel and Xander from Buffy. See how they mysteriously turn from wimpy male lesbians into sleazy pimps! Marvel as Xander rants at his two robotic lovers for hours and hours, and then quotes Eminem! And finally, enjoy the double-ass-pregnancy.

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Current Mood: sick
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
10:14 am
[skinship]
The bitch is back!
Time to return once again to the male lesbian vampire drama known as Tears of the Soul, starring Spike, Angel and Xander and their newly installed Hausfrau Brain Chips! It isn't nearly as exciting as it may sound, I'm afraid.

(The first part of the bitching can be found here.)

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Current Mood: bitchy
Friday, October 26th, 2007
12:48 am
[litlest_amazon]

Well, this is my first ficbitch ever so please be kind.  I decided to start myself off with something that really deserves it so there is no way that I can fail.  By saying so, I hope I have not doomed myself.

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Current Mood: Very Sleepy
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
6:29 pm
[cthulu_hungers]

GAFF is back, GAFF is bac~ck! *does happy dance*

But anyway, that's not what I'm here for. This purile piece was the very first story on the adult fanfiction page for Kingdom Hearts. It's Leon/Sora. Incestuous Leon/Sora.

However, neither of these things is what makes this fic horrible (wow, I'm really jaded if I can say that with a straight face, am I?). What makes it horrible is it contains two of the most feminized, ball-less Sora and Leon I have ever seen in the fanfiction world. And coming from someone who read Naga Eyes, that's saying a lot.

And can someone tell me how to remove lj-cuts?

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Friday, July 6th, 2007
8:54 am
[bean_bunny]
Ficbitch Archive
If you happened to read my blog today, you saw the big announcement I made about putting up a new web page. Part of that new web page is ... wait for it! ...

A SHINY NEW FICBITCH ARCHIVE!

Go click and read up on the adventures of Jeff, Eddie and Analyn.
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
9:45 am
[katmillia]
Some MSTs for your viewing pleasure...
Lurker posting for the first time. :D  My sister and I, when bored, which happens quite a lot, find badfic to MST and we started up a little MSTing site with all of our mockings.  I thought I'd post them here, with labels and such, since most of them are multi-chaptered Mary-Sue self-insert fics (the best kinds to mock because they are so awesome awful)  Enjoy, if you read.  :)

The main page of the MSTing site can be found here.

The Fics That Have Been Mocked:

Gundam Wing

"Love is a Shooting Star" [First chapter here]

"Here with Me" [First chapter here]

"Mission Complete" [First chapter here]

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

"Beautiful Stranger" [First chapter here]

Ronin Warriors/YST

"Untitled" and "Their Mysterious Past" [Both found here]

Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
7:31 pm
[bean_bunny]
Mod Note
We're probably (I'm giving it a 99% chance) safe from all this LJ do-ra-ma-u.

Just in case, you might enjoy backing up your ficbitches.
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